Dear God:

Help her live her life
to the fullest.
Please promote her
and cause her to excel
above her expectations.
Help her to shine
in the darkest places
where it is impossible
to love.
Protect her at all times,
lift her up when she needs
you the most,

and

Let her know when
she walks with you,
She will always
be safe.

I have felt these words spoken to God by many of my friends as they have supported me and helped to guide me to become a strong person and to begin to heal over loss.

One part of my life that felt empty or lost was that of my beliefs and my relationship with God. I never lost God or felt angry..but I felt I needed to be lead back to his light and word...to rekindle that belief and know I am living my life as He has taught.
So my friend who walked beside me as I rekindle this deep need and relationship was Rachelle. We began going to the church across the street from where we lived..it is warm and inviting with music that warms your soul and brings tears with its message and meaning. We went a few times a month and some times attendance was spotty but we have always said how glad we are after the service. It renews that relationship you have with God..it strengthens your weary soul and it reminds you there is no purer or bigger love than his. God is good and also very patient!

We chit chatted with others and joined in to worship together and I was in such awe of Rachelle's spiritual strength and her depth of Gods word and teachings..I was in wonder of her connection with God and I was beginning to find my way back to the importance of my beliefs...there is no greater love or acceptance.

Before any other relationship comes that of mine with God. There is an emptyness that comes from straying or walking down the other path..but there is a fulfilling and deep warmth when you strengthen your beliefs and your walk with God..it is a wholeness and a pureness...and it feels so right

For I know the plans I have for YOU, declares the LORD!
Jeremiah 29:11

I found this today and thought I could write so many testimonials for this thought..but it is true..Being strong sometimes is the only choice..the past 3 years have shown me I can handle alot but it isn't always easy or is it an asset..but it is an ability..ok one I have used alot..but I am ok...

The Homeboys!

I have been a Duck fan since very young and growing up in Eugene area meant driving past the campus and going to Autzen Stadium. Sports camps, drama groups and sometimes just grabbing a bite to eat, made going to the campus a larger than life experience. My boys spent 4 summers attending wrestling camp for 2 weeks at the U of O..I felt like I was returning to college again.. walking thru the dorms and listening to their adventures and the runs on Autzen's stairs...the games I attended were so exciting and full of OOOOOOOOO's and fan support..sometimes it makes your skin tingle (well ok sometimes that is because it is soo cold you lose partial feeling) but the smiles and the laughter and all the green and gold..it is like a county fair without the rides..or Disneyland..The Greatest Place on Earth (why not we already have the Duck!)

All season the hype has been there..sitting on the edge of my chair..sometime almost on the floor..and the next day's raspy voice yet a smile that couldn't be stopped..because the day before was a Oregon Ducks football game..I had eyes wide with excitement, nails clutching at my seat and forget the eliptical I did enough cardio for a week with jumping up and down and hollering...GO GO GO YESSSS that's My Ducks! Sometimes a OHHH No Ohhh Cmon..I BELIEVE...whew a perfect season ended with a victorious win again Oregon State..now to wait for Jan 10, 2011

I found that this year Dec 25th excitement wasn't for Christmas but it meant that many days closer to the Natty's and closer to see the Ducks represent. Ohhh a 10 days left countdown seemed to drag on..teasing me and making me wait to see the end one way or another to a glorious 2010-2011 football season

I played I LOVE MY DUCKS and Return of the Quack so many times my dog now wags her tail in rhythm and all the neighbors shake their heads. December was celebrated in Yellow and Green ..what.. wait Red and Green..huh?? we live in Oregon..YELLOW and Green..Go Ducks Go replaced Ho Ho Ho and the posts on Facebook were of excitement for that guy to arrive..no not Santa..Chip Kelly!

In the meantime we had announcements of awards and recognitions and outstanding player awards from across the nation in support of my Ducks..Coach of the Year..Chip Kelly was announced more than once..and my favorite lists weren't groceries or "Santa I Wants" but were AP Polls, Coaches Polls and BCS standings..continually in the top 2 and usually #1..

Listening to Sebastian Bach rock the Ducks Power Ballad and Ellen was at the EMU on campus, celebrities support the big O gear and people all over the State of Oregon rave and CHEER...WE LOVE OUR DUCKS..because we do..we really do

It has been a tough economic year and for many a downturn and struggle..and here was a team pulling us together good or bad and kept rolling in the wins to support their fans, school and state. Chip Kelly kept the group respectful and honorable..building a team & bringing a state together.

So after a 10 day countdown, tonight was the night..and it was our night..not for a win but for pride and sportsmanship, for true fans and a great state..There is always a winner and a loser by points..but for heartfelt and loyal fans The Ducks are winners..and without really knowing the true impact they have had.. they gave joy, pride and dignity to the State of Oregon..they made this fan more than once have tears of joy and smiles of pride...

So with my heart I posted this last night on my Facebook page and meant every word:

They made school history, 12-0 season, took home a slew of trophy's..Chip Kelly was named & awarded many Coach of the Years..La Michael James won many awards..we were in the top 2 90% of the season & were #1 on many of the polls all season...many of the players coming back next year..they were respectful and honorable and represented Oregon and its finest..THANK YOU U of O 2010 Players and Staff..GO DUCKS!!

Toby the Wonder Dog

Toby...has left this world to join Bill..he wandered off to pass on his own..and I feel such a loss that makes my heart ache and tears flow. I feel lost when I get up to go fill his bowl and brush him...the back patio/yard looks empty..with each neighbors dogs bark I listen to hear his..old and grumpy but there...and it is silent.

Toby became a member of our family in 1997..hand picked carefully from a large cardboard box placed carefully in front of Safeway in Burns, OR and being given away by 3 young boys...Really Mister you need a puppy..your kids would have so much fun. Please give a puppy a home...So while Bill sent me in for food, a bowl and a collar and leash..he carefully held and watched each pup...and the little boy pup who wanted to be held but still showed he was a brute..caught our hearts..and now he was a member of a family with its own 3 young boys..."Boys need a dog...our family needs a dog" Bill told me.."No convincing needed" I said

He would spend weekends fishing, hunting, climbing and running thru the woods. He loved to go shooting and rock hunting. One of the best thundereggs we found was dug up by Toby and proudly given to me as i told him Thank you...he was a "go" dog..

He loved us all so and guarded me with the love and trust Bill gave him to take care of me when I was home alone or sick and in bed...he never left my side..yet Bill was his true master and the one who made Toby bark with excitement and dance around until each night Bill would go out and talk to him and rub his head.

Toby spent many hours sitting with the boys listening to their joys and sorrows, being dressed in Nicks clothes, learning new tricks and occasionally he would wander to the grade school to wait by Cory's classroom door..he just wanted to be apart of whatever we were doing.

When Bill passed away we arrived home from the hospital to hear Toby crying the most heart wrenching noise..crying for his master who had left us..just as we were all crying tears of loss he was also feeling our pain. He adjusted to the move but missed his large yard, raccoon hunting and chasing apples the boys threw for him. Cory took Toby to college with him and we still took him camping and for walks...but we all felt so lost without Bill and adjusting was hard...Toby always greeted us with wagging tail and big grins even when he was getting to old to go for walks or jump up ad down..he was still with us..a part of our family..

I lost so much March 3rd, 2007 but I had by kids and Toby..regardless of what we lost or the changes we had to make I still had the "boys" and I felt I had such a large part of Bill in Toby..he protected us, let us know when something wasn't right and made me feel safe...

The last few months have been tough to see Toby lose more strength and his bark not as sharp as it once was...his muzzle becoming almost white and while brushing him he would sigh so deep I knew our time was ending...I just didn't realize the huge impact it would have on me..I kept telling him to hang on..Mom just didn't know if she had the strength to watch him go or carry him into the vet..I didn't want this day to ever come to be..but I didn't want him to suffer and so holding his now old and weary face as I brushed him I told him it was ok..I would be ok and I loved him dearly he was one of my "kids" and just to go peacefully..with all my love in his soul and heart...later that day he walked into the woods behind our house and found his was to Bill and to peace and rest...

but my soul and heart ache..the pain is great and I realized that this was the first pet in my adult life that had passed away and the first pet I had to console my children over for the loss they felt...Toby was almost 8 weeks shy of being 14 yrs old..he by far past the 10-12 yrs life expectancy but what I would give for 14 more years of Toby...Run lil black guy with 4 legs and a tail..play and love Bill..be free...for now I hurt and cry but forever I will love you and be thankful for all you gave to us

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is December 24th.

Christmas in most homes begins on the evening of December 24th, where excited young children are encouraged to go to bed early so as not to miss out on gifts from Santa Claus.

Christmas Eve in the United States is a combination of a lot of traditions. Some families open presents Christmas Eve night, many go to church, or have different dinners, like ham, goose, etc.

Traditions in other parts of the world include;

The idea that animals have the power of speech at midnight on Christmas Eve. This superstition exists in various parts of Europe, and no one can hear the beasts talk with impunity.

There is also a French belief that on Christmas Eve, while the genealogy of Christ is being chanted at the Midnight Mass, hidden treasures are revealed.

In Russia all sorts of buried treasures are supposed to be revealed on the evenings between Christmas and the Epiphany, and on the eves of these festivals the heavens are opened, and the waters of springs and rivers turn into wine.

For our Christmas eve..I am working part of the day...first time in many many years..yet here I am...

But when I get home the ham will have been cooked and glazed (I put it in when I left and Nick is "tending" to it while I work) the danishes sit all pretty and colorful, fruit is ready and sliced and juice is chillin in the fridge..We do breakfast for our big meal and then have ham and goodies to "snack on" later..we watch movies, play video games..and often spend the day in jammies..relaxing and enjoying peaceful and serene..

And always Christmas Eve service..it renews my soul and calms my heart...it reminds me of all that is good and all that is right..the reason I have a strong faith and believe that baby borne to Mary and Joseph will be a great leader and will hear my cries and pleads and smile at my joy and laughter..he holds my hand and renews my day with a sunrines...He is good...

Peace and Blessings to All...

CHERISH...Stephanie

Holiday 2010

Somehow this year just slipped by...2010 was a blur and a year of changes..Nick was the last to graduate from high school and began college in September 2010. Cory came home in June to spend the month with us and we celebrated Nicks graduation, Nick turning 18 and Cory turning 21 with family and friends at a great celebration. Then we went to the coast for a wonderful week with my Mom to relax and spend time laughing and playing. Cory then flew back to Taiwan and went back to teaching a new class of kindergarten kiddos..He loves teaching and I am sure he is very patient and funny!
Nick began at Southwestern Community College in the Fire Science/EMT Program! He was accepted with a small group of kids and moved into his own aprtment with his best friend Keaton. They have been learning all about cooking, cleaning ...OH and learning how to use the washer/dryer at the laundromat (I wish I would have been a bug on the wall for that!)

Nick finished out wrestling with a severe injury of a torn back muscle and lower joint damage..it was so tough to watch him continue in a sport that he already took chances at. There were meets I was buried in Jana's coat or holding on to another mom pleading he not get hurt..he had a winning and amazing season and was ranked in the top 7 for his weight class for the State of Oregon, until the end of January..then we took the new outlook of finishing what you start and supporting your team..He finished 6th for NWOC District and was so dissapointed..but he will heal and he will walk, run, play and snowboard...I am OK with that ending :o)

I went to VEGAS in Spetember for 6 days and nights and was amazed at the lights, the sights and the shows! We went to Lion King, The Phantom of the Opera and The Blue Man Group, went to the M&M Store, The Rainforest Cafe and so many other sights including a beautiful dinner in the Eifel Tower. What made it special was that I went with my best friend from high school and my kids godmom Becky! We had found each other on Facebook in July and it was like we had never lost tough...new age technology is amazing! I also had my 25th Class reunion and saw so many wonderful people and remember how special friends are even over time!

It was a rough year for our family and friends though and to them we wish the best of peace and love with lots of memories of laughter...Sabrina I know Alfie will forever be apart of your heart and life..Sam, Brad and Maddie we thank you for allowing us to love and laugh with Colton and know we think of you daily and love you guys to pieces...Becky I loved your Dad and I know your heart breaks without him with you but he is there {{Bobbie}} and my precious Andi..I donot know my precious girl if you will ever know how deep your Aunt loves you...my heart is so broken for you but I know you are surrounded by love and support...

Sometimes I dont understand the reason but try to realize there is a bigger plan and we as humans are powerless in so many ways...but the strength I do have is my love and caring for my family and friends. Never take for granted those relationships.. as many of us have felt and witnessed there is no guarantee of time..so every day is a gift..one to cherish, love, share and make memories..so take the time to make the call, write the letter, or drive to visit, see or spend time with those in your life...I can give testimony on this importance...I do not believe there is ever enough love or time...So my word for 2011 is CHERISH

I cherish you all and cherish my time I have and will spend with my family and friends...let the little things go and remember the bigger picture..

Happy Happy Holidays..I cherish YOU

Stephanie

The Non Turkey Day

We made it thru Thanksgiving...we had the first one at home..just Nick and I and Rachelle stopped over. We made all the family favorites and Nick made his dad pineapple/brown sugar glazed ham..I had a huge feeling that Bill watched over as his kiddo glazed the ham every 20 min..carefully covering it and watching over as it baked..it was so delish..he made his Dad proud..but I realized after Nick had gone to bed and the dishwasher was humming..we made it..I made it..it was a reflection of so many shared Turkey Days..minus the Turkey as we really didnt like it..so insert HAM!And I am ok..we are ok..minus a huge part of our lives but we are making it...slowly

Bigfoot Moods

Bigfoot Moods: "Enter The Bigfoot Moods Sweepstakes for your chance to win a Bigfoot the Monster toy."

Cherish Friends

The other day one of my classmates and Facebook peeps posted about cherishing friends..and I thought about Saturday night and how I was so happy to see so many faces laughing and talking..sharing old times and new adventures..I came home and with in 2 days had more friends to chat with that hadn't been to the reunion..both very special friends I shared a lot of High School time with..and I started remembering..and smiled

Last night while driving and talking with Nick he began to share memories and thoughts on his buddy Colton, who just passed away. I felt a deep sorrow for him as this was a friend he shared so much with and they were so much alike..colorful, funny, adventurous, took life as a dare, great with the girls :o), and so many people love and respect them..they were so much alike. Colton was like his little brother, friend and apart of him. Colton used to tell me "I am him and He is me" referring to how they both were passionate about wrestling, being dedicated and striving to win..they understood the pain of loss, the glory of winning and the dedication to be the best they could in all they do. They had a bond more than friends but like brothers..Nick looked at Colton as Nicks big brother had looked at Nick. Colton one weekend was very ill with the flu, yet went to a wrestling tournament...Nick had a serious back injury and could not wrestle (this was a tourn. that Nick reined as Champion at) Colton said to Nick "I am winning this for you"..and continued to wresle all day for Nick even though he had the flu..they had a bond and spent the day curled up on bleachers in between the matches, Nick encouraging and coaching Colton while Colton laid next to Nick...sick and injured but still there together with their team.

A bond I could reflect to friends I had in high school..the giddiness of reconnecting and catching up....to Cherishing Friends ^5

High School 25th Reunion

25 years...WOW
I had my 25th class reunion..I was so glad to be part of the 3 man planning crew and so glad to see all of the faces I hadn't seen for so many years. It was great to see the kids running and playing..many of them the same age we were in elemenary school..It was great to see the classmates I had gone thru 12 years of school with and all of the classmates I graduated with...a 30 year is definately planned to happen..by then a bunch of us will be grandparents...YIKES!