Happy Holidays 2012

Difficult to believe this year is almost at a end! It has been a eventful and busy year of change

I moved to Rockaway Beach mid summer in time for 3 months of decieving sunny warm weather..because when the rain and storms hit they REALLY hit!! I enjoyed the warm weather, blue skies and long walks...I dont enjoy the high winds, pouring rain and flooding!

I love my new job as a Family Care Specialist. Working with families in a social work setting has always been my goal. To see the changes and be able to help guide and give them tools to be better parents and keep their kids safe is challenging but definately rewarding.

Cory is now in Austraila and currenting driving circus and fair rides as it is summer there and he is loving traveling! He will be returning to the States in late March or early March with Yu Hsin along to start a new chapter in the USA

Nick is finishing college and working many hours building pizzas. Nick had a great summer of learning the siding and window install trade and impressed all with his ability to learn and work long hours and a physical trade.

I tend to drive between Portland and Tillamook as I am very blessed to have wonderful friends and kids that I enjoy spending time with. They remind me to breath, live and remember life can be good.

This holiday has been one of peace and change. Finding new ways to celebrate and finding many blessings along the way. Smiling is no longer a chore but a enjoyment. Life will never be as it once was and is only what I build and choose it to be. I am finding to use the past as a tool to continue to make the future a better place. It is hard at times to walk forward when the past holds comfort...but is no longer living when that is where I sit..I have alot to live for, a lot to see and so much to enjoy...I am more than ready to keep making those steps forward to to find the places and people who bring me joy and smiles. Every day wont be perfect or happy but it is progress forward that I look forward too..

I hope each of my friends, family and those to still meet find peace, love, joy and most of all contentment and fullfillment in the upcoming year...Never stop dreaming or wishing..make plans for the days ahead..let go of the days past..

Peace and Wishes

Stephanie

The Move

Calm..Serene..New Starts..

I packed, moved and settled..The Pacific Ocean is in my front yard and the sound of the ocean is what wakes me..

The nights have started to be more peaceful..with less anxiety and loneliness. This is a new start but filled with blessings. My years of schooling & hours apon hours of experience & internships to find my niche in Social Services has become reality. I am excited at this opportunity.

The last part of the grieving process..moving from the comfort of Wilsonville was a struggle and emotional. It is there I began to let down walls and open up to love and finally trust and feel safe. I raised 2 wonderful boys, have a strong circle of people I calls friends and for some they have become my family. But it was time to find me..find a place I could stand on my own and begin to walk forward..taking many breaths...

But this wasnt a move to leave quickly in the dark, leaving behind my home and friends. This move was for growth rather than for my safety. My friendships will continue, my kids have been blessed with so much support in the community and from friends. The boys continue to amaze me and show me how they will achieve so much in life.

Life has had so many turns, bumps, sadness..yet interwoven with bright moments, accomplishments and smiles..and so now this chapter begins...on my own

I think that loving me is more important than having others love me...for once I can love and accept who I am, I can then be whole and strong to love another. I dont need someone to complete me, for I want to be whole and complete within myself but I want that person to walk beside me...not in front or behind me...but beside me. To encourage on the days I feel weak, to smile on the days i am elated and to find joy and delight in all that excites me. I in turn want to find that someone to share all of those momnents with them..to be their everything.

I know that this is possible (for those who scoff)..I know it takes work... I know it has its stumbling moments..but dont give up...

We have become a society that is disposal...divorce rates are outrageous..people have lost faith in forever and instead when it gets rough they let go and move on.But what if you stood together, weathered the storm and communicated..truly and openly talked..solved problems, found solutions (even if they are uncomfortable, difficult or painful)

If it was once worth the effort and time to build, isnt it worth the time to preserve? The National Historical Society would tell you they no longer make buildings like this; spend the time and money to take care of and preserve the building, do not take the easy was and tear it down. Are relationships and humans not even a more treasured existance, made of flesh and blood that can be stronger then wood and building products and far more precious...

I know that I had the opportunity to build, preserve and work thru the difficult and it was worth the moments of pain and tears compared to the many days of smiles and joy...and I do believe it isnt outdated or impossible...but it is worth the time...

Be amazing, give amazing ...love you for all you have to offer...continue to enhance your strong points, strengthen your weak points

The most wonderful thing about being me..is no one else is me...I am my own model... my own being...

Still finding me..sucessfully!

Deep breath...so last year at Memorial Day I had a healing journey...one that lead to many tears, smiles and doors closed and the finding of old friends.. And I discovered I am still me...still ok..but ready for new chapters, new experiences and new days... I have begun to live and the sun soaks my bones (when it isnt raining) and my smile is there...I am proud of the journey that continues...secure in who I am, strong in my path and realized all I have no regrets but on learning experiences. It is history learn from it and do not repeat it..but it is all a part of who I am..pain joy sorrow happiness frustration contempaltion fulfillment and loss but it all has been chapters in my story... And so it continues...one day at a time...

The one day a year....

Some days stand out more prevalent than others..with memories, sounds or scents...sometimes all three..some a flashback and some I can playback almost the whole day or scene and see details... Valentine's Day was the last holiday spent together...every year pink carnations and daisies adorned the table with Jelly Bellies or gummy worms (not a chocolate girl)yet in 2007 silk roses and a teddy bear sat on the table.."These will last forever and you wont have a collection of vases under the sink anymore" he proudly said...who knew that these would be the last gift, a forever reminder of Valentines Day 2007, perched on the shelf in my room...still there. I am not dwelling or grieving..I am no longer sad but life changes and a loss leaves a mark. It is impossible not to feel or have a reminder. Regardless of what the experience, we have memories..some more prominent than others.. It seems to be the one day a year I have a reminder that life is precious and changes quickly...within 2 weeks of the Valentine's Day my life dramatically changed, no longer were we planning our future, our wedding, our new home...I was planning a funeral and selling the house and comforting the kids... Valentines is a day of love and sweethearts, of a reminder that we say I Love You or Be Mine..it is a day of hearts, candy and flowers..it is a day to remind someone they are special...but not just the one day...every day we should remember and say Thank you, I Appreciate You..to truly listen and spend quality time with those important to us When I was asked to write this blog it took me a while to figure out WHY me..I am single with a houseful of teen boys and have just started back into the dating world...my Valentines Day outlook is very different from many. But my outlook on the importance of life is strong and the value of those in our lives is great..and so not every day is hearts and flowers but everyday is a chance at life and to share and give..