Tuesday, December 20, 2011

And we are 3 again...for a short time

Today has been a long 18 month count down...today my oldest son arrives from Taiwan via a short stop over in Seattle to visit... Cory Evan truly gave my life meaning and made me realize how the smallest of things were to be treasured and recognized. I knew from a young age I wanted to be a Mom. My dad used to cook breakfast and as I sat at the table he would ask what life would hold for me as I grew up..and my answer was always the same "I just want to be a Mom and well maybe a job but really I just want to be a Mom" then the answer was always how many kids.."I want 12 of them (ok so that was at the age of 6 or 7) by the time I was in high school I knew I wanted kids and I thought 4 to 6 would be my perfect big family... I was blessed with 2 birth children but have raised and loved many...I still know my best job and most important role in life has been to be a Mom. I loved being a wife and having a family. I truly am too domesticated and would give Betty Crocker or June Cleaver a run for their money...but in the end my most important job has been being a Mom. Having a family in any regards as a single Mom or as a wife and partner is beyond a joy and so fulfilling... When Cory was born my life was in turmoil..my marriage already showing signs of concern but here was this perfect beautiful bundle of life...regardless of the situation I was so happy and felt a part of my heart captured. I was teaching preschool and kindergarten so Cory came to work with me and he was such a joy and how everyone loved him. Cory was a quiet baby that watched and took in all that was around him, his blue eyes were so full of life. Cory was always the first child to offer to help, to work extra, to exceed expectations and take full joy in his accomplishments and learn from his mistakes. He really never was a tough kiddo to raise he almost was as tough on himself as anyone else could ever have been when life handed him hard lessons! (a lil too much like his Mom)He loves big hugs and long talks, he appreciates the small things in life and loves animals and kids (hence his desire to continue to work with children). When Cory decided to go off to Taiwan I knew he had all the tools and would dazzle with his abilities and desire to succeed to learn. I also knew my heart would hurt and I would miss him dearly but I knew he would do ok and he would make me proud..and he has!I am envious of his travels and see the world thru his eyes, pictures and words and I know I will always be his Mom and as much as I would love to keep them little I am overjoyed at watching him grow up. His next adventure to Australia should prove exciting and worldly and another stamp in his passport! To raise kids that are productive people in society, the community and in their homes and families is one goal every parent hopes for. I want my children to be educated, hard workers, honest and real with themselves and achieve their goals but also be able to weather the ups and downs life hands us..and Cory is proving those skills and abilities...he will go far and he will succeed and he will always be my first born son..he showed me that my life dream to be a Mom has been so worth every minute! And I still have Nick at home and who knows who else will enter my life...but I am glad I didn't have 12 after all (I think my Dad is glad too!!)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Happy Holidays

In my living room are the wooden letters that spell FAMILY, the metal letters that spell BELIEVE and LIFE, words in pictures that spell CHERISH and soon my tree ornament that spells WISH in crystals will dazzle in holiday lights...and each word holds a part of my returning to the daily want and need to live...each is a reminder of the year (2007) since I have had to remember to breath instead of it being an automatic bodily function...there were truly days it was so painful I wanted to forget how important that small word meant and the possibilities it held for a new day...so this year BREATHE reminds me of its small yet vital importance to each minute, each hour and a new day....just breathe... This has been a year of many breathes, new starts, new discoveries and a return to feeling...and as I took a deep breathe I realized I would survive and I am thankful for each painful and sorrowful day as I am discovering it is ok to live and feel and I feel blessed .. I usually send out Christmas cards...I am sorry I haven't yet for those of you waiting but I want to take pictures with BOTH of my kids home and spending time together at the holidays. I am anxiously waiting for Cory to return December 20th and reunite with Nick and I. I am thankful he has had the discoveries he has had and is again embarking on.. in January 2012 as he goes to Australia! I am thankful for Yu Hsin in his life who has been by his side and he has discovered how beautiful and wonderful life and being in love is..his future is his and he is seeing the world and as much as I miss him daily I am excited for him! Nick moved home in March and was able to enroll in a highly qualified Fire Science program at Portland Community College. He is such a independent young man and spent the summer working not one but 2 jobs and attending summer college classes (he finished with a 4.0 GPA). I don't always see him daily but he does check in (often if we are out of milk!) and Troy moved back in..the boys have turned the garage into a "man cave" and have quite the set up out there! I went to San Francisco in July with Becky and we had a great 4th of July at Fisherman's Wharf, went to a Giants game and explored the city. I had a wonderful visit with Maxx and KT* as my brother and sis in law found a quick family need for Oregon help...and I felt so blessed to have such wonderful and a beautiful visit with the kids. I realized how fast my nieces and nephews have grown up and how much I truly love each one for who they are and the lives they lead. I am thankful for the relationships I have with each one and how i love by brothers and sisters and feel so fortunate to have a big family and so much support and love. They encourage, support and love thru good and bad..and sometimes it isn't easy :o) And my friends are all so different from one another but so precious in their part in my life...and often remind me to just enjoy it...life has many ups and downs and it helps create who we are...embrace the good with the bad, strengthen yourself with the lessons and we truly learn by not repeating the mistakes but by changing them...and thru it all Just Breathe... I will send out 2012 New Year cards with pictures of Joy, Family and Fun...and I hope all of you have a phenomenal Holiday and a new year is days away...find your Dreams and Wish...always Believe and Cherish one another.... Stephanie