Monday, December 21, 2009

A Hero

We all have heros in our Dad was my hero when I was a little girl..he could fix or build anything and reminded me of Mr. Gadget in the garage. He taught me to love animals and enjoy the wonders of our world. He accepted me for who I was and always made me feel safe. I was truly a "Daddy's Girl" and proud of it.

I have a hero now who is loving, kind, determined and my son. Nick has faced many challenges with a slow start (and very scary) in life..he overcame the medical world and survived! He has had challenges with learning and faced many learning challenges and struggles and the passing of his Dad. He is a senior (finally!!!) and he continues to amaze me with his strength and love. He is wrestling this year not just for himself but for the ability to gain a scholarship to wrestle at college and get a degree in firefighting and medic training. He faces struggles daily with the harsh physical expectations of wrestling, completing his school work and working as many hours as he possible can, not for himself but for his family. He still hugs me each night before he goes to bed and is kind and gentle with his words when he reassures me and tells me he loves me. He is the best son and at times he still struggles and frustrated at thew worl that it continues to throw so many challenges at him ... yet..he is my hero..he continues to grow and give

Friday, December 11, 2009

Holidays 2009

It is once again the ending of another year...a year of changes, of realizations and the idea of living...

This has been a rough year...more for emotions and feelings, for watching Nicholas change and grow..and Cory move on with his life as an adult.

Cory is now in Taiwan with a mission of teaching English to the young ones. He loves it and is working many hours and exploring a new country and culture. Do not think for a minute he does not miss us or isn't homesick for a good burger, Belagios Pizza or just being at home with Nick and I...but he is growing up and learning and finding out what he wants in life and learning to be a man..his Dad would be so proud

Nicholas has taken on the task of dog tender, Christmas tree installer, locking the doors at night and making sure Mom knows how much he loves her...I so appreciate him and so have learned the many gifts and kindness that make up this wonderful 17 yr old. He has always been the one to give up his favorite game system to help a family that has had a fire, to share his coats with other kids, to pull weeds and help the elderly and recently to send some coveted and loved wooden trains to 2 little boys who mother has suffered an accident that has brought her hurt and pain yet she continues to live and strive for her family. He gives up his paycheck with love and buys milk with want...he is my rock and assures me we will be OK..always.

I shouldn't be amazed at the wonders of my boys, they had a fantastic, loving, teaching and proud Dad who gave to them tools and abilities to help and be a productive and proud part of community...he continues to shine thru Nick and Cory and their achievements and their abilities as they grow into men....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A long time returning

It has been a long time..and slowly the colors seem brighter, the days not so long...the ache is still great...but life isnt stopping and I am slowly joining the dance....

When there is nothing to write about life just seems to spin no movement forward just teetering..I havent fallen off but I havent moved slowly I am moving forward..

It has been a week since Cory left for Taiwan and insomnia has returned...
I wish I handled loss better...but because of my 4:30-5am bedtime carpets are cleaned, every wall is washed down from ceiling to floor, my stove and oven are scrubbed, counters rearranged, fridge cleaned and organized, bathrooms sparkle..and the biggest room cleaned, bed all washed and made and the walls decorated again. As I dusted off Bills picture on my nightstand I talked of the pain, sorrow, hurt and changes...his smile remained steady and I knew he was proud of me.

Losing weight has been a challenge but I have had so many changes it just seemed I couldnt bare anymore..until last nights weigh in...3.8 lbs down...a little over 20 total..slowly but steady...maybe I can do this..

I am still partially laid off so I began volunteering at State of Oregon DHS 2 days aweek to get my foot in the door and recent experience...somedays I feel too busy and want to stay home..another change

Nick received his senior year schedule and all the paperwor..a reminder of another event Bill will miss..He was so proud and loved that boy..he will be there..he always is

Deep breath...keep moving