Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Here is an older post..some past feelings and reflections

Wow today was Corys last day of High School...I am not sure it is the shock of my first born completing such a large acheivement in such a time of loss and turmoil or the idea I have a child who has completed 13 years of school and it seems so clear the memories of this time in my life 20 years ago. I sat this morning and shared with him a story he has heard often of his first day of Kindergarten and how it wasnt the other children the Kindergarten teacher had to console but it was me, the mom of a new student who wouldn't leave her child and stayed in the doorway then peering thru the window as her child began a new adventure. Two hours later, while he was at recess I quietly left..smiling at the picture of him playing and laughing yet tears rolling down my cheeks at having to leave him in the care of another. Some times letting go can lead to wonderous things...that day of letting go and letting him begin an education (even thought I was always there and very involved) has produce a amazing young man. I have often heard so many say how they have "felt" pride or been proud. With Cory it has been felt often and the tightening in my chest and the smile that is from ear to ear and many times the tears falling down my check are produced from that pride. I have been blessed with a respectful, kind, caring, loving, honest, responsible and hard working child that has taken all of that and begin his start into manhood making all that are involved in his life PROUD. He has been my rock and strength through losing Bill. Cory still wont go to bed until he knows I am in bed and getting ready to go to sleep...yes sometimes it is 2 or 3 in the morning..yet he is still awake. He has held me and comforted me when I find my self crying and the loss overwhelming and I let a little of the pain out. At 17 I never would have wanted my child to ever have to experience this loss and to see his Mom so overcome. Yet he is always there...he always has been even as a little boy he would often say "It is ok Mom I am here"..something I have always told him and he will reply, "Mom you always have been there...always". Cory is such a awesome big brother and I know he will help Nick grow into a good man just as Bill has given the tools to be sucessful and productive. His dad would again be so proud of the boy he has taken as his own and loved, guided and nurtured. So often as we watched Cory complete a goal or learn new things he would share with us I would look over at Bill and see the half smile and the tears of pride. He would ruffle Corys hair and tell him how proud he was or hug him. I know next week as Cory turns 18 and completes his high school graduation that his dad will be looking down with pride, love and respect on one of his kids.

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