Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A long time returning


It has been a long time..and slowly the colors seem brighter, the days not so long...the ache is still great...but life isnt stopping and I am slowly joining the dance....

When there is nothing to write about life just seems to spin no movement forward just teetering..I havent fallen off but I havent moved forward...so slowly I am moving forward..

It has been a week since Cory left for Taiwan and insomnia has returned...
I wish I handled loss better...but because of my 4:30-5am bedtime lately..my carpets are cleaned, every wall is washed down from ceiling to floor, my stove and oven are scrubbed, counters rearranged, fridge cleaned and organized, bathrooms sparkle..and the biggest task..my room cleaned, bed all washed and made and the walls decorated again. As I dusted off Bills picture on my nightstand I talked of the pain, sorrow, hurt and changes...his smile remained steady and I knew he was proud of me.

Losing weight has been a challenge but I have had so many changes it just seemed I couldnt bare anymore..until last nights weigh in...3.8 lbs down...a little over 20 total..slowly but steady...maybe I can do this..

I am still partially laid off so I began volunteering at State of Oregon DHS 2 days aweek to get my foot in the door and recent experience...somedays I feel too busy and want to stay home..another change

Nick received his senior year schedule and all the paperwor..a reminder of another event Bill will miss..He was so proud and loved that boy..he will be there..he always is

Deep breath...keep moving

2 comments:

Rhonda said...

Bill would be proud of all that you've accomplished in the recent years. You'll get to where-ever it is you are supposed to be in your own time, don't rush yourself. I'm proud of you that you started volunteering at the DHS office...that's a great step in the right direction.

Liz said...

I stumbled onto your blog this afternoon and felt compelled to comment. You have suffered such a huge loss and are such a strong person... my heart goes out to you.
Hugs,
Liz